| The Searching has started. |
[17 Mar 2012|10:12pm] |
You're my muse!
I see inspiration as its pouring out of you.
This moment envelopes me!
If there is something to believe, believe I wouldn't change a thing.
This is where we both belong, and I knew it all along!
If we both stand strong
We can reach each others arms!
Because I know that your a mystery,
and I'm searching for a clue,
and I know that I will never stop until I have solved you.
Yet all the evidence can prove, is,
All I need is you in my arms
I need you in my arms.
Cause I stumble down a road of false intentions-
Until I heard your perfection as it called me towards introspection.
You give me a reason to live
So I am here,
And here to stay.
If there is something to believe, believe I wouldnt change a thing.
This is where we both belong and I knew it all along.
But if we both stand strong
We can reach each others arms.
So I'm here to stay, stay
Because with out you who moves me-
I could never change.
So I am here.
So, finally, my brother's band released music via a video premiere last night.
At first, I was like "Aw, look at my broha rock that mic! LOOK AT HIM GO!!!"
But now I'm like "Ok, watch it one more time. Just one more" after the 50th time of watching it.
I'm happy this was the song/video they released first- it's one of my favorite tracks and totally my favorite video out of the other ones they've shot (yeah, I'm gonna do a hipster thing and say LOL I HEARD/SAW THIS FOREVER AGO, SUCKERS! because I like to have fun).
I'm amazed it's almost at 5000 views within the first 24 hours. Yeah, I probably should of had more faith but for a first video? Without having other music to of built up a fan base first? This is crazy good.
Anyway. Watch the video. And then watch it again. Get it stuck in your head because it's stupid catchy.
I'm starting to like this song without being biased on the fact it's my brother.
I dunno how I feel about that, but it's happening.
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[13 Nov 2011|09:09pm] |
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Got a new phone/number, i'm a week late on this so sorry if you've tried to contact me. Tell me if you need my new number.
Posted via m.livejournal.com.
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[07 Nov 2011|01:32pm] |
asdfjkl; I just got my brother's EP. I hate how good it is, how well it's done, and how much I like it. I can't even be biased- it's actually good. And yeah, that's me surprised- I usually can just appreciate his effort but it can be torture listining to his demos.
So I'm just exploding with proudness and self loathing for listening to it over and over again.
The following aptly explains what I'm going through right now:
So yeah.
My brother is the best.
Everyone else can go home.
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[19 Jun 2011|07:55am] |
ok.
Gonne make a big breakfast (Father's Day, ya'll).
Then have to figure out things for taking the kids to the lake.
Ahhh, Sunday. You are not gonna be nice to me, are you.
The good news is, Emery is on THURSDAY. I'm less than a week away, ya'll.
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[14 Oct 2010|09:03am] |
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The twins are two years old today.
I'm sure every birthday will be extrodinary to me, but this two year mark makes me pretty freaking happy and wonderful.
I've always said it was a little morbid of me, I admitted that openly, but this two year mark has me rather at peace.
The past five generations on my mom's side have all lost at least one child before this two year mark. And its always been the first borns that never make it to two years.
My mom lost my twin sister at 19months, my aunt lost her baby boy at ten months, the others lost a child in the same time frame.
But I've made it. I know this seems silly, and again, morbid.
But it still means something to me.
So, aside from being full of praise and thanks for the fact that its another year and I'm watching them grow, I'm celebrating the silly (morbid) point too.
I can never look past how blessed I am with the twins. Its generally rubbed in my face daily (98% of all my friends who had kids just before or just after I had mine all had complications, even some losing a child to still birth or having long lasting birth defects).
But somehow I, a person who never really got excited about having kids because I hadn't wanted any yet, who didn't pour over the baby books and again wasn't as excited as most parents are, got TWO extremely healthy and rather perfect babies.
God is pretty wonderful.
I don't think I could ask for better proof than the twins to know that whole heartedly.
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[12 Oct 2010|09:21pm] |
By the way, I've been sleeping in my jeans for the past four nights.
Also? Kind of in love with the dudes in Set Apart.
And I feel FANTASTIC.
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| another kid ramble. |
[28 Sep 2010|08:59am] |
NEED.COFFEE.
I remember when saying "I had a dang hard night" meant cramming for finals or following my friends around party hopping.
But this time it meant having gotten up every few hours with a sick and fussy baby. And actually, I perfer this version of the expression.
Luckily he did get some rest and is already a little better. Last night you could hear in his breathing he had a lot to cough up but he sounds a lot better this morning. Still runny as heck nose, but at least it doesn't sound like its all in his chest anymore =). Luckily too he never really had a fever and his snot was clear, so hopefully the rest and lots of water and easy food will continue to knock it out quick.
It was also cool that at some points he didn't wanna be held so I just put out a blanket on the floor and a pillow and he laid right down, covered himself up, and went to bed. I'm actually hoping maybe I can train them to sleep this way, too, at least for nap time (at first it was cool that they'd go right to sleep if they were put in their crib and the shades were down, but I'm realizing it'll probably be a littler more helpful if I can get them used to sleeping other ways, too).
Plus there was something really comforting about sleeping in the same room with him. the couch may be really uncomfortable, but it was nice to know he was right there on the floor. I know I can't do that every night with them (I think it might be just as bad as having them sleep in bed with Eric and I and eventually be hard to break them of sleeping "with" me) but I might like to every once in a while. I don't know, I'm always really... I guess over protective, or a lot more connected with them than I act, and I liked being closer with at least one of them last night.
Anyway. I'm going to go give them a bath which usually starts off our day in pretty good spirits (usually bathtime is before bed to wind them down) and maybe make the boy feel a little more better. I feel bad because he almost has no shirts left so he might have to wear one of his sister's shirts (i'm not kidding when I say this kid is just 'leaking' consistantly since he first started showing he was sick, I've gone through almost 10 shirts in the past 24 hours because he just soaks right through them and that can't be any better for him walking around with a cold damp shirt).
Horrah the joys of parenting.
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| PHOENIX BETTER GETS STOOOOKED. |
[21 Sep 2010|05:41pm] |
Its as official as its gonna get without having the actual plane ticket IN my hand, but I'll be in AZ from March 3rd (thursday) til the 7th (monday). I know it seems like a really limited time to be there, but its waaay better than getting there eveningish on Friday and leaving mid day Sunday!
I am soooo stoked to attend Laura's wedding! And I'm already trying to plan out my days that aren't saturday. So much to do and see, and soooooooooooo many people to try and make quality time with since quantity isn't much of an option =).
Things that NEED to happen:
-See my brother play a show (PLEASE, THE CLUBHOUSE, so i can kill two birds with one stone!)
-Drive around with Sarah.
-HECKA WOW, JUST REALIZED I'LL BE IN TIME FOR 'FIRST FRIDAY'. must do.
-Must have coffee and shop like crazy on Mill Ave.
-Will go to a bar with all my of-age friends just to say we did it! (Considering all my friends have either waited for me or I've waited with them to go through such a "coming of age" thing). Might have to go to a few because I know my friends have a few favorites =).
-See a movie at a HARKINS.
-Go to AZ Mills with my brother.
-Video game night with my guuyys <3.
-Count the hookers on Van Buren (Hey, just because you're not proud of the place you're from doesn't mean you can't go back).
-Hookah bar with some Gateway kids and my brother Jimi.
-Make Corwin go to the Wedge with me.
-Go hang out at the "hole in the rock" (hiking in general! yay desert!)
-Soak up as much city lights and desert smell and take in as many AZ sunsets as possible.
The list is longer and in more detail that I've actually cared to write down, so many places to eat and touch again and soooo many people to get my hands on and talk with (in person! No text or phone voices! omgzzzz).
I am terribly excited, to say the least.
I'm gonna go home!
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| The 'big break' v.1 |
[14 Aug 2010|08:37pm] |
Just wanted to take this chance to announce on every networking site I'm on that
MY BROTHER IS PLAYING WITH FLYLEAF AND STORY OF THE YEAR
this coming october.
Legit, he's opening for Flyleaf and SOTY.
I mean, wow. The venue holds 1200 people, and apparently tickets have already been hot. This is crazy.
We spent pretty much ALL of our time talking about these dreams of ours coming true. Literally, he'd just mess around on his guitar all amature-like, talking about being in a band and the local shows and then BIG shows and then omg TOUR etc etc etc.
It all seemed pretty unoriginal, cept its actually been in motion and happening now.
I have/will always think our dreams will come true. We always knew one of us would start making it happen and drag the other one along, like I'd go on tour and know a bunch of people and get my brother in a band that was successful enough- or, in this instance, his band gets decent enough & he takes me on tour.
Its freaking amazing to me. I'm so insanely proud of him and stoked for him.
and I'm so sad I missed out on being front and center to see this journey of his go down. we've been through so much together, missing this is crazy sad.
SO AWESOME.
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[04 Aug 2010|01:27pm] |
--edit--
eh, that whole re-pasting facebook drama of intolerant Christians was a little ridiculous.
I'm still annoyed, but eh *shrug*.
At least I know more people than not who embrace people regaurdless if their actions differ from our preferred morals.
I hope the more older I get, the more I persue and practice only looking at people's hearts than what they do with their body.
Granted, I do get a little judgy with drug use/casual sex. just because most kids I know involved in those things know nothing of moderation or safety, things they indulge in are only destructive and reckless.
Kids who smoke weed within moderation and don't use it was a crutch or let it become who they are, are just fine with me. *I* don't smoke weed only because its not beneficial for me, I don't care that they do. I CARE when they can't draw the line between real life and getting high, because its more destructive and abusive in that setting.
Kids who have casual sex don't phase me, except when they don't do it safely. Condoms and BC are important, people. Engaging in sexual activity in GOOD and SAFE situations is important. Also I can't stand these kids who sleep around, but don't feel good about it. If you're guilty or feeling depressed from your actions, better to stop them, yeah? if you're having a good time and this what you /want/ and you're comfortable with it, good.
Anyhow. yeah.
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| twin update. |
[04 Aug 2010|09:34am] |
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so i put a basket hoop up for Holden (one of those small nerf ones) and he seems to like it a lot. I decided to get him one after seeing that every time he throws a ball, he does that hop and flick-wrist thing people do when they're trying to make a basket. he likes the hoop a lot, which is neat.
Progress is both of them like to sit on their potty, but absolutely no intention of actually using it. In time, I'm sure this'll click, right? right.
I need to buy Isabelle a book on potty-stuff. We have a book that goes through daily activities (wake up, get dressed,breakfast, playing, lunch, etc etc etc) which made her A LOT better with teeth brushing and hair brushing (she doesn't like anything to do with you touching her head of face, ever) but seeing other kids do it made her better with it. So perhaps a "potty" book will come in handy, as well as when "big girl/boy" means anything to them (I've been trying to use that term when they help out with cleaning, etc).
At least I remember being a "big girl" was pretty neat at some point ha.
Also, I'm not sure what happened, but now Izzy is TERRIFIED of sitting down in the bath tub. She absolutely will not do it, and she wants to get out as soon as possible (which before hand, I had to either drag them out or bribe them out). So that's been just a joy and a half -_-.
Other than that, words are progressing. Isabelle is really good at talking on the phone to my mom, which is adorable. She's also getting better with reading books (usually she needs YOU to point and say what things are, has no interest in the actual story of course ha) but she's started doing it so thats neat.
They're also extremely loving now. Isabelle will give you a big hug, or hug your leg and kiss it and that's just cute.
She's also more than ever obssesed with "high fives". Seriously, like a hundred times a day she'll come up and go "High fife" and then you give her one and she goes "YEAH!" all excited-like. Neat stuff.
Holden's signing is also pretty good these days. Stuff like "I want juice mama" or "I want daddy" or "help". Which is great, because he's always been a little behind on communication vs Izzy who catches on pretty well with words and meaning (mostly due to her love of books, I think).
Anyhow. yeah, pretty much it.
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| emery #17 |
[29 Jul 2010|09:31am] |
ok SO I didn't get to stay for We Came As Romans or Emery =(. I know, its really sad, but things happen =(.
None the less, while in line I found all the guys.
I saw Josh getting his bike off the bus and was like "I WANT MY PRESENT!" and he gave me a hug and went and got it and its precious (I love my sister) and chatted with Josh for a bit and then let him get back to what he was doing.
I was pretty much hanging out in the shade behind the building where they load in I guess, and saw Toby walk past while I was on the phone with Natassia, and was like "Hey Toby" and he was like "hey" and the "OH HEY!" and we talked about my babies and stuffs and then he left.
Saw DEVIN and I like it because I said "Hi devin" and he said "Hey NANI!!!" and I was like YAY, name remembered lol. Talked for a little bit too, which was nice =)
Saw DAne and was like "MY SHIRT!" and he was like "Its inside. We actually ran out of that shirt, but I still kept yours" and I was like "That's right you did! Cuz if you hadn't..." and then lols and he left.
Saw Matt carrying a huge thing of ice and just said hey and he tried to stop and talk to me but I was like "Dude, go put that down and come back, I feel terrible with you just holding a ton of ice" and so he did and that was cool. he asked about my babies and stuff. Matt is always so... awkward. Like, he's so figity sometimes, which makes ME awkward so conversation is weird ha.
Really enjoyed Ivoryline! did NOT enjoy anyone else we saw haha.
Got an ivoryline shirt&poster, a wcar shirt (Its says "WE ARE NOTHING WITHOUT OUR BROTHERS" or something ha), and of course my emery shirt. not bad.
Had to leave early so I went outside and found Devin after a while and was like "I'M LEAVING!" And got a pic with him (srsly, took my 17 shows, but I got it haha) and he sent Matt to come say bye (i like when they do that) and got a pic and chatted a little but again slightly awkward.
Toby was on the phone walking far away so I didn't want to interrupt him, but I waved as we drove past him. At first he seemed annoyed like yeah ok waving back, and then he had a "OH!" moment and smiled and waved crazy haha.
Josh was in the shower so i didn't say bye to him or get a pic with him.
BUT. got a pic with Matt, Devin, and Dane, so that's way more than I ever have.
It was a decent night. It really was. I kind of am way out of shape with shows- like, I hate when touch me? like when I don't know them, I don't want to be near them? so...I stood in the back all awkward.
Also? maybe i AM getting too old or ear plugs really make a difference (this show was the first in years that I didn't have any) or they just get louder these days, but hecka wow SO LOUD. ridiculous.
Anyhow. really about it. It wasn't as magical as it usually seems to be, but it was really good =)
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[27 Jul 2010|09:37am] |
THE SHOW IS TOMORROOOOOOWWWWWW.
In 24 hours I'll be going "ITS TONIGHT!".
My sister and her friend Dustin are spending the night tonight.
because Mike will be here tomorrow, and we'll be all, going to the show.
And I will track down my guys.
and be like "HEY! I missed you" and they'll be all "KANANIIIII!!!" and it'll be precious.
Yes. Tomorrow will be a good day.
So help, it'll be a good day.
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[17 Jul 2010|09:28pm] |
Just got off the phone with Dane (sent by ravens, currently merch for emery) after a nice little chat which was cool cuz I happen to know he hates talking on the phone.
Again, my big sister makes it happen.
LEGIT LOVE RIGHT NOW.
Talked to Joel (formerly of Emery) and tried to get him to come to the Texas show, but he said he's tryin' to save money so NO lol. But apparently he missed me lots and lots which is cool because I MISS HIM SO MUCH.
Also, Toby told Natassia that he's excited to see me cuz it's been 'way too long'.
Again, not being all "LYK OMGGGZZ MY FAVE BAND", but I am insanely flattered they remember me at all, and enough to say such nice things!
Also, totally talked to Dane. Now THAT IS me being all kinds of "OMGZ BAND DOODZ".
Fun stuff.
Also, currently lurking YouTube to train my sister on what the guys look like so she can keep a look out at the show for me too. Going to give her a whistle so when she spots Josh (aka "Jesus lookin dude") or Matt (Tall-awkward-lanky with an adorable accent) or Dane (Aka... ok well, tall hawaiian brah with a mullet I guess) she can blow it and I can come running.
Ah, life is fun. Little things entertain me to no end.
I keep having to remind myself this is in a fact a SHOW, so I better start gettin' excited about seeing bands play some awesome music as well as seeing my favorite dudes finally and meeting Dane finally haha.
Anyhow. I'm such a nerd.
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[17 Jul 2010|09:02pm] |
just a re-cap.
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[17 Jul 2010|12:39am] |
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yeah, this is Josh from emery & my sister sporting some of Josh's handy work.
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| wow. |
[16 Jul 2010|11:26pm] |
I'm.... hm. Its that kind of clash of happy/excited/no-reason-nervous, where you wanna dance around and your hands keep shaking and you feel like you might throw up but you can't stop smiling even though you're almost crying. Whatever mood that is, that's whats happening.
My sister Natassia is yet again seeing emery tonight. She called me to tell me how things were going so far.
She gave Josh (emery) something to deliver to me when they come through Houston, and he said he'd keep it in his bunk and promised to give it to me.
I heard Dave tell me Hi from the backround.
She is buying me an emery shirt to make Dane hold for me til my show.
I heard her talk to JJ (sent by ravens) for a few minutes (mostly about me which made me blush and laugh) and JJ said Dane would for sure hold the shirt for me.
You know, the current mood almost has nothing to do with Emery.
Like, yeah, I like their music and they're rad dudes. But if I wrote it out honestly, they're simply in my top ten favorite bands, and not even the top 5.
Emery is just... so much of my identity. Tens of the people that are most important and amazing in my life are because of Emery, whether they're friends with Emery and we started talking over myspace or because I met them at a show or they were in a band touring with Emery etc- all these people that inspire me and encourag me and the idea of who'd I'd be without them being tragic... just... lots of names I wouldn't know without emery.
And the whole Natassia calling me- its not about the fact she might hand the phone off to one of the guys, or that she's talking about Emery, its... I mean, i'm flashing back to being 15 and her calling me from Spirit West Coast and having Emery draw/write me this fantastic note and talk to me on the phone. (original post can be found here: http://i-lovefallingup.livejournal.com/282166.html)
Y'know Natassia and I are not very constant in each other's lives, and she is thousands of miles away, but even with all the distance (miles and otherwise), Emery is the thing that makes us meet back on the strong connection we have. Emery is a passion we share that brings us right back to each other, like there is no distance.
And I am so... MOVED by the fact she loves me enough to make half the effort she does/is. She could very well just enjoy the show, and text me that it was fun.
But instead, she spends time tracking down the guys, spends money on things for me, etc.
Personally I feel so filled with love for her doing such selfless and meaningful things for me I dunno what to do with myself.
Emery is apart of every best and worst situation, the very best and the very worst- any time in my life that has permenantly marked my life, they can be found.
Everyone who has been important/closest to me has gone to a show or listened to them with me.
I've grown up with every album they release meeting me where I'm at, as if by some magic they saw my future and wrote the record for me haha.
Idk. Its just been... an intense night.
All thanks to a band called Emery. Not because I worship them or their music, but simply because they have been such apart of my identity and who I am today for the past 7 years.
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| Boo. |
[16 Jul 2010|12:52pm] |
Eric can't go to the Scream It! show with me due to his work going to 7 days a week til late august. Which is cool cuz neat more money but BOOOO now I gotta get someone to go with me to the show XD.
Hopes are Mike can come to the show with me and maybe my sister can find a friend who will go with her and she can find their own ride cuz with my sister occupied and Mike being able to handle himself in any situation and make friends like he breathes, *I* will not be rude when I end up hanging out with the bands and stuff (which tends to end up happening, and going "Hey guys see you in a little while gonna ditch you for a band" is ruuuude lol).
other than that, I'm still optimistic.
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| twin update. |
[15 Jul 2010|10:02am] |
y'know, I think my kids are getting lazy. intentionally.
Like, every stuffed animal or animal in a book is a "puppy" or "baby" and it goes "rawr".
Anything that they've been told is "ouch" (knives, outlets, etc) or theyre not supposed to touch is "Uh oh" (like other people's shoes or the remote or my phone).
Everything that is trash is "ew". so they bring me a wrapper or something going "ewww, ewww, ewww".
Any food is "Ninner" (obv their way of "dinner"). Waffles, granola bars, yogurt, its all "ninners".
Ask the boy what color something is, its always "purple". Ask the girl, its always "blue".
"Bath time" is "bubbles".
Of course I'm kidding with them doing this intentionally, its just been over a week since we've had new words out of them (aside from the boy and his "i'm a cupcake", which to my cousin's dismay sounds 'gay' lol).
Progress in potty training, though, which is a huge blessing. I dont even know what I'll do with myself when they are out of diapers lol. so much free time (and money)!
I know for teir birthday coming up in a couple months I'm telling people to get Holden more cars/trucks and Izzy more sturdy books (she doesn't rip the pages often at all, but still often enough).
I do like however they're getting better at stuff like saying "bye" at appropraite times now and if you say "lovins" they'll give you (or whatever you're refering to) hugs and kisses and they break out in dance constantly and OMG their little xylophone never stops being used with their wailing (singing, I think) so that's all neat stuff.
Time outs are getting less and less so that's cool. Holden went through this terrible shrieking stage (seriously, ear peircing) and to break him of that I had to give him a tap on the face and since then its been alright. (I'm believer that you may need to 'beat' your kid once or twice to instill that whole 'fear' thing in them so they'll listen, some people agree some don't *shrug* it works and at least if I use my "angry" voice when they're about to do something dangerous they'll stop immediatly).
I REALY like that Holden knows how to throw things in the trash and both understand "pick up toys" XD. that's the good things about having kids, right? That they can do stuff hahahaha.
Also, they can almost dress and undress themselves now, which is adorable and again, time saving haha.
So yeah, that's the update on all that.
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